Here are my challenges for 2010
1) Run more
2) Go to the gym more
3) Eat healthier
4) Be more domesticated :D
5) Study for school harder
6) Go on a boonie stomp once a month
7) Do a 5K at least twice a month
8) Start and COMPLETE my P90X program
9) Save money for gong back to the States
Rewards to accomplishing these:
1) Healthier
2) New wardrobe
3) More dates with the hubby
4) More Girls Nights
I know this is my year, but in case I fall off I might need some motivation getting back on track.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
You know you have a big dog when...
The sound of running water makes you jump up and yell, "OUTSIDE!"
You tell your dog to sit, and he backs up until he finds a chair.
It takes 3 people to get your dog on the scale at the vets.
You walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no idea who these people are.
You can carry on a conversation with a dog's muzzle firmly in your crotch.
You own a dog capable of pulling someone from a port-a-potty.
You carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle.
You keep at least one color-coded "drool towel" in every room of your house.
After banishing your husband, the snoring in your bedroom still keeps you awake.
You are hiking with a friend who later suggests that you ought to have
an environmental impact statement done on your dog.
Visitors enter the house holding their privates protectively.
You toss your dog a ball and cringe when he almost hits his head on the top of the doorway.
You take your dog for a ride and he rests his head on your arm,
causing you to make random right turns.
You have given up on water dishes and you just use the bathtub.
Your two dogs decide to play in the house, and they end up pulling the ceiling fan down, for the second time.
You have to move over when brushing your teeth because your dog wants a drink.
You show a picture of your dogs and kids together, and the first
person you point out is your dog.
While stopped at a stop light, everyone stares as your car rocks back
and forth because the dog is panting out the window.
You go to vacuum your car and most of the fur is up there on the ceiling.
You've learned to force a smile when asked "do you have a saddle for that thing?"
The monthly dog budget exceeds your home mortgage payment.
Your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, build a
large home, buy jet skis and a vacation home in Florida.
You have had to train your dog not to lick dishes, and the dishes are in the sink.
The donuts you put on top of the refrigerator are gone when you get
home and your dog has powdered sugar on his nose.
Your dog can see what you're cooking and he tries to assist you in the preparation.
You're holding him straddled between your legs when the doorbell rings
and you find yourself quickly transported straight to the front door.
The pizza delivery people tell you to meet them at the end of the sidewalk.
Your dog stands in your lap and reaches over you to stick his head in
the drive-through window at McDonalds and nearly gives the cashier a
heart attack when she turns around to give you your change.
You purchase a large screen TV and you still can't see the program
when he stands in front of the television.
After surgery, your bored pup decides to get up and cruise around the
vet's office, pulling the rolling IV stand behind him.
The meter man has to take Valium before coming to read your meter.
You explain to friends why the toilet bowl is empty...and the seat is soaking wet.
No one needs explanation to the strange streaks across the ceiling and walls.
You feed the cat 8' in the air.
The litter pans are on top of the bookshelves.
You come home and your furniture has been re-arranged and you don't call the cops.
The holes in the walls and doors also don't need any explanation.
Screens? What are those?
Couches become chew toys.
You buy your dog their own couch/loveseat. ...So you will have somewhere to sit.
When your poor significant other gets dirty looks when you go to the
store after your latest dog related black eye.
When you explain to your dry cleaner that they're slobber stains.
When the seats to your SUV/Van are in the garage more than in the car.
When you have given up on the hope of ever having grass in your yard again.
When you have at least two pairs of pants that have been damaged in
some way after your dog has decided to go off the beaten path.
When you start buying air freshener in bulk.
You tell your dog to sit, and he backs up until he finds a chair.
It takes 3 people to get your dog on the scale at the vets.
You walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no idea who these people are.
You can carry on a conversation with a dog's muzzle firmly in your crotch.
You own a dog capable of pulling someone from a port-a-potty.
You carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle.
You keep at least one color-coded "drool towel" in every room of your house.
After banishing your husband, the snoring in your bedroom still keeps you awake.
You are hiking with a friend who later suggests that you ought to have
an environmental impact statement done on your dog.
Visitors enter the house holding their privates protectively.
You toss your dog a ball and cringe when he almost hits his head on the top of the doorway.
You take your dog for a ride and he rests his head on your arm,
causing you to make random right turns.
You have given up on water dishes and you just use the bathtub.
Your two dogs decide to play in the house, and they end up pulling the ceiling fan down, for the second time.
You have to move over when brushing your teeth because your dog wants a drink.
You show a picture of your dogs and kids together, and the first
person you point out is your dog.
While stopped at a stop light, everyone stares as your car rocks back
and forth because the dog is panting out the window.
You go to vacuum your car and most of the fur is up there on the ceiling.
You've learned to force a smile when asked "do you have a saddle for that thing?"
The monthly dog budget exceeds your home mortgage payment.
Your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, build a
large home, buy jet skis and a vacation home in Florida.
You have had to train your dog not to lick dishes, and the dishes are in the sink.
The donuts you put on top of the refrigerator are gone when you get
home and your dog has powdered sugar on his nose.
Your dog can see what you're cooking and he tries to assist you in the preparation.
You're holding him straddled between your legs when the doorbell rings
and you find yourself quickly transported straight to the front door.
The pizza delivery people tell you to meet them at the end of the sidewalk.
Your dog stands in your lap and reaches over you to stick his head in
the drive-through window at McDonalds and nearly gives the cashier a
heart attack when she turns around to give you your change.
You purchase a large screen TV and you still can't see the program
when he stands in front of the television.
After surgery, your bored pup decides to get up and cruise around the
vet's office, pulling the rolling IV stand behind him.
The meter man has to take Valium before coming to read your meter.
You explain to friends why the toilet bowl is empty...and the seat is soaking wet.
No one needs explanation to the strange streaks across the ceiling and walls.
You feed the cat 8' in the air.
The litter pans are on top of the bookshelves.
You come home and your furniture has been re-arranged and you don't call the cops.
The holes in the walls and doors also don't need any explanation.
Screens? What are those?
Couches become chew toys.
You buy your dog their own couch/loveseat. ...So you will have somewhere to sit.
When your poor significant other gets dirty looks when you go to the
store after your latest dog related black eye.
When you explain to your dry cleaner that they're slobber stains.
When the seats to your SUV/Van are in the garage more than in the car.
When you have given up on the hope of ever having grass in your yard again.
When you have at least two pairs of pants that have been damaged in
some way after your dog has decided to go off the beaten path.
When you start buying air freshener in bulk.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Why Nike+? My top 4 Reasons
I use Nike+. I'm a HUGE advocate of Nike+.
Here my top 4 Reasons why I'm a HUGE advocate:
1. Motivation - The little Nike+ device is a huge motivation. Just having my SportBand on makes me want to be better!
2. Community - Just like "It's Where I Run" and many other sites intend to build a following or a community, Nike+ does so as well. And they are very good at it! Once you are a Nike+ user you can join Challenges (like the ones I've created) and "Trash Talk." It builds your character (as long as your "trash talk" is all in good, competitive fun) and builds the online Nike+ community. You belong.
3. Goals - Nike+ gives you a way and a reason to make and achieve goals. You can decide whatever goal you want to achieve and then create a Challenge to work towards/achieve that goal. You'll never want to give up!
4. Passion - Nike has Passion. We can see it through Nike+. I believe that if you have Passion anything is possible. When I find something like Nike+ that gives me more passion, I adopt it! It's as simple as that!
by Sarah Kay Hoffman
Here my top 4 Reasons why I'm a HUGE advocate:
1. Motivation - The little Nike+ device is a huge motivation. Just having my SportBand on makes me want to be better!
2. Community - Just like "It's Where I Run" and many other sites intend to build a following or a community, Nike+ does so as well. And they are very good at it! Once you are a Nike+ user you can join Challenges (like the ones I've created) and "Trash Talk." It builds your character (as long as your "trash talk" is all in good, competitive fun) and builds the online Nike+ community. You belong.
3. Goals - Nike+ gives you a way and a reason to make and achieve goals. You can decide whatever goal you want to achieve and then create a Challenge to work towards/achieve that goal. You'll never want to give up!
4. Passion - Nike has Passion. We can see it through Nike+. I believe that if you have Passion anything is possible. When I find something like Nike+ that gives me more passion, I adopt it! It's as simple as that!
by Sarah Kay Hoffman
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....
If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of
humor.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12
cuckoos
MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo
clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then
tripped over the coffee table and farted.
humor.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12
cuckoos
MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo
clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then
tripped over the coffee table and farted.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Children Learn What They Live
If children live with criticism,
They learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility,
They learn to fight.
If children live with fear,
They learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with ridicule,
They learn to be shy.
If children live with shame,
They learn to feel guilty.
If children live with tolerance,
They learn to be patient.
If children live with encouragement,
They learn confidence.
If children live with praise,
They learn to appreciate.
If children live with approval,
They learn to like themselves.
If children with acceptance,
They learn to find love in the world.
What are YOUR children living?
They learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility,
They learn to fight.
If children live with fear,
They learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with ridicule,
They learn to be shy.
If children live with shame,
They learn to feel guilty.
If children live with tolerance,
They learn to be patient.
If children live with encouragement,
They learn confidence.
If children live with praise,
They learn to appreciate.
If children live with approval,
They learn to like themselves.
If children with acceptance,
They learn to find love in the world.
What are YOUR children living?
8 Keys To Military Family Success
1. INVOLVEMENT. Show interest in one another's lives. If one or both parents must be away from home for periods of time, stay in touch by letter, phone or tape.
2. RESPECT. Accept differences of opinion without being judgmental or highly critical.
3. ENCOURAGEMENT. Support each other and be good listeners to promote understanding and self-worth.
4. SERVICES. Make use of your installation's family center for support and information on military family life. Take advantage of special programs and activities the military provides.
5. TIME. Share meals, do household chores together, and enjoy recreational activities as a family.
6. SHARE. Involve all family members in responsibilities and decisions about issues affecting family life.
7. READINESS. Devise a family plan in order to be prepared for deployments and other changes common to military life.
8. PRIDE. Celebrate one another's successes. Encourage family members to be their best.
2. RESPECT. Accept differences of opinion without being judgmental or highly critical.
3. ENCOURAGEMENT. Support each other and be good listeners to promote understanding and self-worth.
4. SERVICES. Make use of your installation's family center for support and information on military family life. Take advantage of special programs and activities the military provides.
5. TIME. Share meals, do household chores together, and enjoy recreational activities as a family.
6. SHARE. Involve all family members in responsibilities and decisions about issues affecting family life.
7. READINESS. Devise a family plan in order to be prepared for deployments and other changes common to military life.
8. PRIDE. Celebrate one another's successes. Encourage family members to be their best.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Mayo Jar & Two Beers
Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers...
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed..
'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else---the small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Spend time with your children.
Spend time with your parents..
Visit with grandparents.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your spouse out to dinner.
Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter.
Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented.
The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'
The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend. If you’re buying I'm ready.
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed..
'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else---the small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Spend time with your children.
Spend time with your parents..
Visit with grandparents.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your spouse out to dinner.
Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter.
Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented.
The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'
The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend. If you’re buying I'm ready.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
I have found myself wondering lately what it would be like to still have those friends you did in high school. You know the ones you could always rely on, the ones who bent over backwards to be there for you no matter what.
The Navy has taken ne to some fabulous places over the last 11 years, and I have met aome wonderful people but what would it be like to still have that awesome connection with the friends you had in high school. I look at many pictures of people who are and forever be lifelong friends and I wonder if I will ever have that.
The Navy has taken ne to some fabulous places over the last 11 years, and I have met aome wonderful people but what would it be like to still have that awesome connection with the friends you had in high school. I look at many pictures of people who are and forever be lifelong friends and I wonder if I will ever have that.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
In Praise of Lazy Parenting
In Praise of Lazy Parenting
Written By Brett Paesel
A mother shares her radical child-rearing philosophy
It's still dark when my 7-year-old son wakes me. "Mom. The tooth fairy didn't bring my dollar." I roll over slowly to face him. I'm buying time, willing my brain synapses to fire away so I can come up with a crafty excuse to explain why the tooth fairy neglected to replace his tooth with a dollar. For the third time.
"Hold on," I say, "maybe you're just not looking hard enough." My bones creak as I stand. "Let me get my glasses." I trudge over to my desk while Spencer bounces around me. As I reach for my glasses, I open the drawer with my other hand to retrieve a dollar, then palm it as I turn to put the glasses on. "Let's go look."
It's so easy to slip the dollar under Spencer's pillow while I pretend to search around that I wonder why I didn't think of it the last two times — when I suggested maybe the tooth fairy was out sick or on vacation.
When I tell a friend about this ingenious solution, she says, "Wow. I do this whole routine of sprinkling glitter near the bed and writing a note with silver ink in a fairy-sized font."
Why do these things never occur to me? So many moms knock themselves out. One impossibly industrious mother I know not only makes the cupcakes for her daughter's class birthday party, but writes each kid's name on top in icing (which practically requires a fairy-sized font). Last year on Spencer's birthday, I forgot about the cupcake ritual and had to snag some mini blueberry muffins at a 7-Eleven. When I placed the plastic containers on the teacher's desk and popped them open, a little girl yelled, "Those aren't cupcakes!" For which her clothespin got moved down a notch on her behavior chart. I felt a bit guilty about the demerit since she was only stating the obvious, but it's an unfair world out there. Maybe she's better off learning that sooner rather than later.
Is there something wrong with me? Do I love my children less than a mom who sews all of her son's favorite childhood T-shirts into a quilt he can take to college someday? Will my kids hate me because their baby books are more or less blank? Will they resent the fact that I didn't bronze anything? Every day I walk my oldest son to the bus before 7, work out, then spend six hours at a keyboard and another two on the phone. I love returning home to the endless chatter of my two boys. But since I can't be lazy on the job, at home I'm mostly looking for pursuits that can be accomplished supine.
The other night I dutifully decided to put forth a little extra effort: I went into the closet of rarely- to never-used craft items and retrieved an "easy" laminating kit that had been a gift from my mother-in-law, who once harbored a vague hope that I'd preserve something besides dust bunnies. I sat down at the dinner table with sticky plastic and a couple of my sons' drawings, which minutes later I'd managed to mangle into a sculptural ode to trash.
I stared at my handiwork, dejected, and wondered whether mommy inertia might not have an upside after all. This was well worth considering, so I put aside the plastic clumps, poured myself a glass of wine, and lay on the couch. Since I do my best thinking thus, I soon realized that my kids haven't really suffered from my lethargy — they've benefited.
Brotherly Love
I find it exhausting to arrange playdates — the calling, the messages, the picking up and the dropping off. The planning takes as long as the playdate itself. Luckily, a couple of my friends pop over occasionally to visit with their kids, so Spencer and Murphy aren't totally cut off from society.
I've noticed that an unintended benefit of my indolence is that my sons have made do with each other as playmates — thereby becoming best friends. This is something I hadn't anticipated, since they're almost four years apart. But last Saturday, after spending the entire afternoon with just each other, they told me they're starting a business together: selling information they've printed out from the Internet. I feel proud. And why mess with this potentially lucrative partnership?
Since Spence wants more sophisticated company, he's teaching 3-year-old Murphy to read. Spencer started reading at around 4 because, though I love reading chapter books, I tired of his repeated requests to hear dry accounts of the life cycle of beetles, or termites eating dung. If he taught himself to read, I told him, he wouldn't have to depend on me to entertain him. Now he has something to do on long car trips while Daddy and Mommy rock out to Led Zep.
Domestic Harmony
I wish I could say parenthood has awakened my dormant interest in cooking. But it turns out the interest isn't dormant — it's nonexistent. So in an effort to keep my kids healthy, I've stumbled onto the raw foods craze. True, Spencer and Murphy won't eat foods that touch each other, but they do eat tons of fresh strawberries, broccoli, and avocado. So I'm not just a mom who can't be bothered to sautee; I'm on the cutting edge of nutrition.
My laziness also extends to the other domestic arts. Instead of sewing the hems of my sons' pants, I staple them. And my housekeeping is, as my mother diplomatically puts it, "casual." I find it a Sisyphean nightmare, the toil of making beds that will just be unmade again. In the end, I do it halfheartedly, just because I don't want to slip in my mother's lexicon from "casual" to "shoddy."
But I can't face picking up toys that will simply wind up back on the floor. As a result, I've mandated "cleanup time" after dinner: The kids have to throw all of their toys in the appropriate bins in 10 minutes, and then they get their gummy vitamins. (Thank God for the gummy vitamin, with its candylike subterfuge.) I set the kitchen timer, and the boys run around picking up toys like it's an Olympic event. Their lucky wives are going to thank me.
Quality Time
You might think the TV would be a lazy parent's best friend. But I can't be bothered with the futile search for even one of the three remotes while the boys bicker over which show to watch. Besides, I find most children's TV shows cloying, badly acted, and illogically conceived (I know, it's probably just me). So we all listen to the CD player, which doesn't have a remote. True, the kids haven't a clue who Dora is — the Wanderer? Scientist? Supermodel? — but Spencer informed his first grade class during Black History Month that Aretha Franklin is the Queen of Soul. (Another proud moment.) Also, I don't have to turn down repeated requests for toys the boys have seen advertised on TV because they don't even know those toys exist. Maybe they would if they had more playdates.
As Spencer and Murphy have gotten older, they've found it increasingly difficult to fall asleep at 7:30. I, however, still need two or three hours to myself at night, precious childfree time to devote to my husband and Jon Stewart. So, instead of pushing their bedtime, I've created "Adult Time": The boys can stay up until 9, talking and playing quietly, as long as they don't bother me for anything more involved than a glass of water. "Adult Time" was initially enforced to serve my needs, but I've found the boys enjoy conspiring and giggling in their beds. Last week, I was delighted to be shooed out of their room when I came in to close a window. "No adults allowed," Spence said, looking up from an intense game of Sorry. I deferentially retired to the living room and a make-out session with my husband under the unknowing eyes of Jon Stewart.
On Accidentally Getting Some Things Right
As last summer was winding down, my friend Allison said her kids were dreading going back to school. They loved all the summer programs she'd signed them up for — the day camps and the baseball games. She'd taken her kids to the pool almost every day.
"Ah," I said, realization dawning. "You made it too fun for them. Most of the summer, my kids have been great at entertaining themselves, but this week I've found them rolling around on the floor, complaining of boredom. Every time I walk around them, I have to assure them that school is starting soon. They can't wait to get back."
Allison looked at me with new appreciation. Appreciation that I returned because I'm always filled with genuine admiration when I hear her enthusiastic tales of all the things she does with her children. (My favorite: the time she simulated a hurricane by taking a garden hose and spraying a village she and her kids had made out of toothpicks.)
However, her stories also make me want to take a nap. Allison is a terrific mother, and I tell her so often. But today I want to speak for a different kind of mother — the one who's still on the couch. Your devotion to your own well-being may benefit your children more than you know. It could be making you a happier, saner mother. You could be doing your kids a favor by giving them a chance to develop a solid sense of independence. In fact, you could even consider your laissez-faire approach an act of faith in your kids and their ability to figure things out for themselves.
But if saying all that sounds way too exhausting, forget it and go back to bed. Just remember to remake it when you get up. You don't want your mother to think you're "shoddy."
Celebrate your child's love of learning © Wondertime
Written By Brett Paesel
A mother shares her radical child-rearing philosophy
It's still dark when my 7-year-old son wakes me. "Mom. The tooth fairy didn't bring my dollar." I roll over slowly to face him. I'm buying time, willing my brain synapses to fire away so I can come up with a crafty excuse to explain why the tooth fairy neglected to replace his tooth with a dollar. For the third time.
"Hold on," I say, "maybe you're just not looking hard enough." My bones creak as I stand. "Let me get my glasses." I trudge over to my desk while Spencer bounces around me. As I reach for my glasses, I open the drawer with my other hand to retrieve a dollar, then palm it as I turn to put the glasses on. "Let's go look."
It's so easy to slip the dollar under Spencer's pillow while I pretend to search around that I wonder why I didn't think of it the last two times — when I suggested maybe the tooth fairy was out sick or on vacation.
When I tell a friend about this ingenious solution, she says, "Wow. I do this whole routine of sprinkling glitter near the bed and writing a note with silver ink in a fairy-sized font."
Why do these things never occur to me? So many moms knock themselves out. One impossibly industrious mother I know not only makes the cupcakes for her daughter's class birthday party, but writes each kid's name on top in icing (which practically requires a fairy-sized font). Last year on Spencer's birthday, I forgot about the cupcake ritual and had to snag some mini blueberry muffins at a 7-Eleven. When I placed the plastic containers on the teacher's desk and popped them open, a little girl yelled, "Those aren't cupcakes!" For which her clothespin got moved down a notch on her behavior chart. I felt a bit guilty about the demerit since she was only stating the obvious, but it's an unfair world out there. Maybe she's better off learning that sooner rather than later.
Is there something wrong with me? Do I love my children less than a mom who sews all of her son's favorite childhood T-shirts into a quilt he can take to college someday? Will my kids hate me because their baby books are more or less blank? Will they resent the fact that I didn't bronze anything? Every day I walk my oldest son to the bus before 7, work out, then spend six hours at a keyboard and another two on the phone. I love returning home to the endless chatter of my two boys. But since I can't be lazy on the job, at home I'm mostly looking for pursuits that can be accomplished supine.
The other night I dutifully decided to put forth a little extra effort: I went into the closet of rarely- to never-used craft items and retrieved an "easy" laminating kit that had been a gift from my mother-in-law, who once harbored a vague hope that I'd preserve something besides dust bunnies. I sat down at the dinner table with sticky plastic and a couple of my sons' drawings, which minutes later I'd managed to mangle into a sculptural ode to trash.
I stared at my handiwork, dejected, and wondered whether mommy inertia might not have an upside after all. This was well worth considering, so I put aside the plastic clumps, poured myself a glass of wine, and lay on the couch. Since I do my best thinking thus, I soon realized that my kids haven't really suffered from my lethargy — they've benefited.
Brotherly Love
I find it exhausting to arrange playdates — the calling, the messages, the picking up and the dropping off. The planning takes as long as the playdate itself. Luckily, a couple of my friends pop over occasionally to visit with their kids, so Spencer and Murphy aren't totally cut off from society.
I've noticed that an unintended benefit of my indolence is that my sons have made do with each other as playmates — thereby becoming best friends. This is something I hadn't anticipated, since they're almost four years apart. But last Saturday, after spending the entire afternoon with just each other, they told me they're starting a business together: selling information they've printed out from the Internet. I feel proud. And why mess with this potentially lucrative partnership?
Since Spence wants more sophisticated company, he's teaching 3-year-old Murphy to read. Spencer started reading at around 4 because, though I love reading chapter books, I tired of his repeated requests to hear dry accounts of the life cycle of beetles, or termites eating dung. If he taught himself to read, I told him, he wouldn't have to depend on me to entertain him. Now he has something to do on long car trips while Daddy and Mommy rock out to Led Zep.
Domestic Harmony
I wish I could say parenthood has awakened my dormant interest in cooking. But it turns out the interest isn't dormant — it's nonexistent. So in an effort to keep my kids healthy, I've stumbled onto the raw foods craze. True, Spencer and Murphy won't eat foods that touch each other, but they do eat tons of fresh strawberries, broccoli, and avocado. So I'm not just a mom who can't be bothered to sautee; I'm on the cutting edge of nutrition.
My laziness also extends to the other domestic arts. Instead of sewing the hems of my sons' pants, I staple them. And my housekeeping is, as my mother diplomatically puts it, "casual." I find it a Sisyphean nightmare, the toil of making beds that will just be unmade again. In the end, I do it halfheartedly, just because I don't want to slip in my mother's lexicon from "casual" to "shoddy."
But I can't face picking up toys that will simply wind up back on the floor. As a result, I've mandated "cleanup time" after dinner: The kids have to throw all of their toys in the appropriate bins in 10 minutes, and then they get their gummy vitamins. (Thank God for the gummy vitamin, with its candylike subterfuge.) I set the kitchen timer, and the boys run around picking up toys like it's an Olympic event. Their lucky wives are going to thank me.
Quality Time
You might think the TV would be a lazy parent's best friend. But I can't be bothered with the futile search for even one of the three remotes while the boys bicker over which show to watch. Besides, I find most children's TV shows cloying, badly acted, and illogically conceived (I know, it's probably just me). So we all listen to the CD player, which doesn't have a remote. True, the kids haven't a clue who Dora is — the Wanderer? Scientist? Supermodel? — but Spencer informed his first grade class during Black History Month that Aretha Franklin is the Queen of Soul. (Another proud moment.) Also, I don't have to turn down repeated requests for toys the boys have seen advertised on TV because they don't even know those toys exist. Maybe they would if they had more playdates.
As Spencer and Murphy have gotten older, they've found it increasingly difficult to fall asleep at 7:30. I, however, still need two or three hours to myself at night, precious childfree time to devote to my husband and Jon Stewart. So, instead of pushing their bedtime, I've created "Adult Time": The boys can stay up until 9, talking and playing quietly, as long as they don't bother me for anything more involved than a glass of water. "Adult Time" was initially enforced to serve my needs, but I've found the boys enjoy conspiring and giggling in their beds. Last week, I was delighted to be shooed out of their room when I came in to close a window. "No adults allowed," Spence said, looking up from an intense game of Sorry. I deferentially retired to the living room and a make-out session with my husband under the unknowing eyes of Jon Stewart.
On Accidentally Getting Some Things Right
As last summer was winding down, my friend Allison said her kids were dreading going back to school. They loved all the summer programs she'd signed them up for — the day camps and the baseball games. She'd taken her kids to the pool almost every day.
"Ah," I said, realization dawning. "You made it too fun for them. Most of the summer, my kids have been great at entertaining themselves, but this week I've found them rolling around on the floor, complaining of boredom. Every time I walk around them, I have to assure them that school is starting soon. They can't wait to get back."
Allison looked at me with new appreciation. Appreciation that I returned because I'm always filled with genuine admiration when I hear her enthusiastic tales of all the things she does with her children. (My favorite: the time she simulated a hurricane by taking a garden hose and spraying a village she and her kids had made out of toothpicks.)
However, her stories also make me want to take a nap. Allison is a terrific mother, and I tell her so often. But today I want to speak for a different kind of mother — the one who's still on the couch. Your devotion to your own well-being may benefit your children more than you know. It could be making you a happier, saner mother. You could be doing your kids a favor by giving them a chance to develop a solid sense of independence. In fact, you could even consider your laissez-faire approach an act of faith in your kids and their ability to figure things out for themselves.
But if saying all that sounds way too exhausting, forget it and go back to bed. Just remember to remake it when you get up. You don't want your mother to think you're "shoddy."
Celebrate your child's love of learning © Wondertime
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Good Wife's Guide
Have dinner ready:
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return from work. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself:
Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter:
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers etc. and then run a duster over the tables. During the colder months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him:
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his:
Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner, or even stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
Make him comfortable:
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange the pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. Once he has had a chance to have his evening meal clear the dishes and wash up promptly. If your husband should offer to help decline his offer as he may feel obliged to repeat this offer and after a long working day he does not need the extra work. Encourage your husband to pursue his hobbies and interests and be supportive without seeming to encroach. If you have any little hobbies yourself try not to bore him speaking of these, as women's interests are often rather trivial compared to men's.
At the end of the evening tidy the home ready for the morning and again think ahead to his breakfast needs. Your husband's breakfast is vital if he is to face the outside world in a positive fashion.
Once you have both retired to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.
When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be lead by your husband's wishes; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress then accede humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's is. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.
Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night time face and hair care products.
You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return from work. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself:
Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter:
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers etc. and then run a duster over the tables. During the colder months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him:
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his:
Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner, or even stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
Make him comfortable:
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange the pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. Once he has had a chance to have his evening meal clear the dishes and wash up promptly. If your husband should offer to help decline his offer as he may feel obliged to repeat this offer and after a long working day he does not need the extra work. Encourage your husband to pursue his hobbies and interests and be supportive without seeming to encroach. If you have any little hobbies yourself try not to bore him speaking of these, as women's interests are often rather trivial compared to men's.
At the end of the evening tidy the home ready for the morning and again think ahead to his breakfast needs. Your husband's breakfast is vital if he is to face the outside world in a positive fashion.
Once you have both retired to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.
When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be lead by your husband's wishes; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress then accede humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's is. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.
Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night time face and hair care products.
You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.
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