Too Cute! The Navy Wives Alphabet

THE NAVY WIVE'S ALPHABET
by Mrs. Jean Ebbert

A is for Adaptable, which is supposed to be my middle name. Also for Absent, which my husband is A lot, especially when the Anchor's Aweigh.

B is for Basic, as in Basic Allowance for Quarters and Basic Allowance for Sustinence. (See "L".)

C is for Cost of living which is always going up and for Commissary which I therefore I need more than ever

D is for Dependent, which is what the Navy says I am, even though everybody knows you can't survive Navy life unless you're extremely independent.

E is for Empty, which is what my wallet is at the End of Each pay period.

F if for Fabulous Foreign ports I hope he'll bring me back Fabulous bargains From.

G is for Government and Goldbraid and "Good Grief Charlie Brown, who in Washington thought that one up!"

H is for housing which so often seems (a) too small, (b) too expensive, (c) too close to the Base, (d) too far from Base, (c) all of the above.

I is for ID card on which my picture looks Idiotic,

J is for Jack of all trades, which it would be Just dandy if I were one.

K is for Kilometers and Knots, both of which Kinda confuse me.

L is for Lavish, which is what I wish allowances were, instead of Basic. (see "B".)

M is for Mail from the ship, which is sometimes a Maybe thing.

N is for mmmm - er - uh - (gosh, can't think of anything for this one.)

O is for Orders to places I've never heard Of

P is for Personal Property lost and damaged in our last Permanent Change of Station, for which I will Positively be reimbursed (Perhaps).

Q is for Qualified, which I am getting to be at practically everything.

R is for his Return from deployment, which is Really Romantic.

S is for Starboard, which Sailors on Ships Say when they mean "right."

T is for Trips To The Tailor, when his uniform mysteriously Tightens across his Tummy.

U is for Unexpected changes in the ship's schedule, which I Understand are Unavoidable but which I'm often Unprepared for and so they Usually make me Upset, or even Uptight.

V is for Volunteer work, which I know is a Very fine thing, but sometimes I get too Vound up in it.

W is for Navy Wives, Who are Wonderful, Witty, Wise, Warm and Winsome. Whoever Would argue With this is no longer Welcome aboard.

X is for Navy X-change, which I am very glad

Y is for Yards and Yeoman and Yo-bo-bo-, all of which sound very nautical, don't You think?

Z is for ''zulu," which is what the Navy calls the last letter of the alphabet, which I think is a Zany thing to do

Creating the Navy Wife

When the good Lord was creating Navy wives, he was into his sixth day of overtime.

An angel appeared and said, are you having a lot of trouble with this one? Whats wrong with the standard model?

The Lord replied, have you seen the specifications on, this order? She has to be completely independent, must be sponsored to get on the base and have the quality of both mother and father during cruises; be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40; run on black coffee; handle emergencies without a BUPERS manual; be able to handle the flu, birthdays and move around the world if need be on a moments notice; have a kiss that can heal anything from a child's torn valentine to her husbands weary day; have the patience of a saint when waiting for the ship to come in; and have six pairs of hands.

The angel shook her head slowly and said six pairs of hands! No way! And the Lord answering, don't worry, we'll create other navy wives to help. Besides, it's not the hands that are causing the problem; it's the heart. The heart must swell with pride in her husband, sustain the ache of separations, beat on soundly and strongly when it's too tired to do so, and be large enough to say, I understand when she really doesn't and say I love you regardless.

Lord, said the angel touching his sleeve gently, come to bed, you can finish this tomorrow.

I can't, said the Lord. I'm so close to creating some- thing unique. Already I have one that heals herself when she is sick, can feed three unexpected guests who were stuck in the area due to bad weather, and can wave goodbye to her husband from a pier or runway and fully understand that it is important to our country that he leaves.

The angel circled the model of the navy wife very slowly. It's too soft, she sighed.

But tough. Said the Lord excitedly. You cannot image what this woman can do or endure.

Can she think? Asked the angel.

Can she think! Why she can covert 1400 to 2:00 p.m.

Finally the angel bent over and gently ran her fingers across the model's cheek. There's a leak, she pronounced. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model.

It's not a leak, said the Lord. It's a tear.

What for? Asked the angel. It's for joy sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, and pride!

You're a genius, exclaimed the angel...the Lord looked somberly at the angel and replied I didn't put it there.